2000: Attends first Whites match as drinking partner to (at the time) injured player Steve Saf and fellow newcomer Tim (pretty boy) Smith. Trains sporadically & plays 3 matches.

2001: Attends pre-season, declaring that he’ll win the B’s best and fairest & score lots of goals with his head. Early in season decides it’s much more fun downing a carton of Coopers with Steve Saf & ends season early. Actually plays 3 games. Misses biggest sitter in the history of Whites competition!

2002: Again attends (a couple) of training sessions but doesn’t grace the field on a Saturday (except when picking up Big Mac wrappers off the pitch).

2003: Makes the big switch to goalkeeper and starts impressively before freak midweek incident halts season. On the comeback trail & determined to make Cappy and Marty’s Drinking XI & hold down a position in the top 6.

Whites Career: Seasons: 4. Matches: 9.

Note: Some of this information may be absolutely false, but let’s not let the truth get in the way of a good story!

Profile 2: Benn Barratt (Kareem) by Graeme (2001)

Benn is a good cricketer apparently. Adds much to the social scene of the Uni Whites and to give him his credit got into a scoring position early this year. Played well against the Blues and is another who deserves more opportunities. Can’t play eight ball for shit though and what is it with those glasses??

“The more I think about it, the more single I am” – Benn

“Benn needs those ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’ guys.” – Belinda, a ‘friend’ of Benn’s

Profile 3: Benn Barratt by Benn Barratt

Every now and then, a player joins a club, a player so incredible that he will be talked about for generations, a player so great that he will be etched in the heart and soul of all who have the pleasure to be graced by his presence. Benn was not one of those players. In fact his ineptitude on the pitch knew no bounds. Most wont admit it publicly, but the majority of the Whites playing staff rejoiced when Benn was struck down by injury and was replaced by the elderly, disabled or in some cases inanimate objects. In the latter case there was little difference to the scoreline, but there were more beers left in the esky.

Benn is known to most at the Whites as ‘Wook’, and there is much speculation as to how he got that nickname. Contrary to popular belief, it is neither due to the fact he is big and hairy, nor due to the gutteral late night noises he has been known to make (he has asked me not to elaborate, but as someone who lives in the same house… let me say, very disturbing). But the actual origin of this moniker is due to the fact that, like Chewbacca, he was decommissioned from the Imperial Navy, and was forced to become a smuggler.

Now, we all make fun of ‘Wook’, and fair enough, he does bring a lot of it on himself. But the intangibles Wook brings to the club are his real value. The man is blessed with the ability to express himself through the written word in a manner unseen since the late Charles Dickens. He combines this with the drinking abilities of Winston Churchill and an over-inflated ego, and his worth to the club is obvious. Did you know he once drank an entire litre of water. Need I say more?

The checkered life of Wook has recently culminated in his desire to share his inner most feelings and his outlandish experiences in his blog on the Uni Whites Forum – Words with Wook. He feels this is the best way to share his unique life experiences to allow the junior playing staff to learn from his mistakes. And for this we thank him.

Wook is the kind of guy that every club wants… but at the same time they are so very glad there is only one of him.