Wednesday, 20th March 2014 saw the ‘Glamour’ side of the Uni Whites take on the might of Mercedes under the ‘lights’ at the University Oval. Mercedes, champions elect, had swept all before them this season by putting together a thirteen game winning streak. Their aim was to go the whole season unbeaten and ultimately victorious in all league games. They wanted the ‘Invincible’ tag to accompany the silver wear.

Standing in their way were the ‘Glamour’ who had aspirations of finishing in the top two. With the lights beaming down on the Metro pitch the stage was set for a titanic tussle.

‘Hot Fuzz’ had prepared meticulously for the game and bolstered what is possibly the strongest C team (to date) with the experience and cunning of Crab and the addition of two thirds of the now defunct DJ / dance act Swedish House Mafia (Sven and mini Sven). The boys were all fired up pre-game and it showed in the warm up with a level of intensity not seen this season so far.

A final team huddle and words of encouragement from Hot Fuzz, then Crab stepped forward to address the White ranks. Crab’s words (similar to that of the great Winston Churchill) helped settle what nerves there were and provided the boys with that final inspirational lift. Crab had a glint in his eyes and a steely look of determination on his face. The old boy was back where he belonged, in a white shirt ready to mix it with the best the League could offer.  Cometh the hour cometh the Crab.

With the crowd having swelled to a record breaking ten or so people (a league record for a C team night game) the ‘Glamour’ went to work. The pace was frenetic, tackles flew in.  The Whites harassed and harried each and every player in a green shirt. Within thirty seconds Crab sent Mini Sven away down the right with a telling through ball.

Mini Sven sent over a cracker of a cross and there was Rob arriving at the back post. Out jumping the Mercedes defenders Rob powered a header back across the keeper and towards the bottom right hand corner. It had goal written all over it until the Mercedes keeper flung himself away to his left and clawed the ball to safety.

The ‘Glamour’ continued to pressure Mercedes at every given opportunity. Mercedes responded by upping the levels of physicality and the Whites simply matched it, then bettered it. Every 50/50 ball was contested as if (the ‘Glamour’s’) lives depended on it. In response to the physicality Mercedes began to moan and whine. Bres (from the side lines) bettered the moaning.

All the football was being played by the Whites. After several heavy challenges the Whites were awarded a free kick about thirty five yards out. Crab sent in a dangerous cross, which Mercedes only managed to half clear. The ball fell invitingly to the feet of one Richie ‘Arris and the rest is history. Laces through the ball and the net bulging. One nil Whites. Some say Richie doesn’t score goals, the net grabs the ball off him for fear of getting hurt.

Back came Mercedes pinning the Whites back into their own eighteen yard box. A headed clearance fell to a Mercedes player and it was smashed goal wards through the crowded penalty box. With the ball heading for the corner Eugene flung himself to his right and produced a top quality save to keep the Whites ahead. This appeared to break Mercedes as they offered very little in terms of a goal threat after that.

The Whites posed all sorts of questions of the Mercedes back line and a second goal was the reward for a continued high press from the ever youthful front pairing of Richie and Buckie.  A ‘hoofed’ clearance into the night sky saw Richie ‘Arris and his colostomy bag beat two Mercedes defenders to the ball and his delightfully weighted header sent mini Sven away,  Our young Swede didn’t break stride as he moved onto (pass of the season claimed by Richie) the ball and stroked it beyond the stunned Mercedes keeper, who could only watch as it sailed beyond him into the net (Richie Harris 3 points for the assist) for two nil.  A late (somewhat dubious) offside call denied the Whites a third, but as the half time whistle went we were very much in the ascendancy.

The message from Hot Fuzz was simple. Keep it tight, remain focussed and as Jacko put it ‘Let’s stop these fookers winning on our turf. Send them back to Mercedes with their fooking tails between their legs and waiting for the fooking title’. Simples really.

The second half wasn’t pretty as Mercedes sent bodies forward and proceeded to launch an aerial bombardment on the Whites goal. Ball after ball was lumped forward and repelled by the back line. Bodies were put on the line as the Whites gave their all for the shirt, each other and for the Chairman / CEO / where’s Wally look alike. As frustration set in amongst the Mercedes ranks the Whites grabbed a third. Big Sven broke forward from left back and after playing a one two with Rob sent over another inviting cross. Richie ‘Arris did the rest burying the header beyond the now despondent Mercedes keeper. Three nil, some people were on the pitch they thought it was all over (It very nearly was).

Crab gave way to a younger more youthful Matt Bate to inject pace, flair and even more aggression into the midfield. Max came on for the fading ‘Grandpa Boing’ at full back and Fairuz replaced Richie ‘Arris and his Zimmer frame up front. The new faces lifted the Whites intensity again. Rob put mini Sven through on goal to score his second and the ‘Glamour’s’ forth.

With the broken half of ‘Hot Fuzz’ on the verge of a heart attack the referee kindly put Mercedes out of their misery.  Four nil it finished. Mercedes not only beaten, but hammered. Bettered in every aspect of the game. The song was sung loud and with pride. Mercedes huddled together shell shocked. The win put the ‘Glamour’ second in the League on goal difference with Rostrevor, who we play next. Four games left, the title an extremely remote outside chance but second spot is very much on the agenda of each and every White.

From Hot Fuzz:

Boys you did us proud. Mercedes turned up expecting to seal the title. Instead they got hammered. We were better in every department. Every player (bench included and those that missed out) contributed. Best on ground went to the whole team.

A big thank you to all those who came out to watch. Your support, banter, words of encouragement, abuse and pay-outs to the opposition all contributed to the win and was greatly appreciated.  That’s It!!!!